Brandon: (As the old healer woman) This is a dangerous place, and if you think the animals are dangerous you should see the plants!
Farone: Great, now I’m scared of plants.
Farone: At this point in the movie you would sacrifice yourself and then we’d be all like, “We gotta win this one for…” What’s your name again?
Eli: Mr. Elf!
Eli: I rolled a ‘3’ for Dave. He killed it.
Brandon: You hear a massive explosion behind you.
Farone: Wow! Beastmen explode when they fail a run check.
Eli: Dave! You’ve discovered their hidden weakness!
Brandon: Make a ‘charm’ check.
Farone: I actually have that skill…(rolls) 71. Fail.
Travis: Why do we try?
Brandon:(As an angry elf) What could you possibly need this herb for?!
Farone: I don’t know. Flavor?
Brandon: (As dying priest, in a hoarse whisper) I…die…with a…relic of Sigmar…grasped…in my hand. For that…I am grateful…you must…not let it…fall here. Take it…to the Temple…in Middenheim…promise me!
Farone: Uh, yeah, um…sure, whatever. Ok. I guess.
Eli: (In hoarse whisper) Bring me…someone else!
Jared: I’m gonna check the wagon, see if I can tell where Granny went.
Brandon: Well, it’s just a small little wagon…
Jared: Well, I’m a small little elf.
Brandon: There’s not a lot of room in there…
Jared: I’m just going to poke my head in.
Brandon: But there’s not much room…
Travis: Someone should tell the elf Granny’s not lost in the wagon!
Jared: I tell the kids I can’t read Reikspel.
Farone: I can! I’ll read ’em a story.
Jared: Ok, I give him the book and look through the rest of Granny’s stuff.
Brandon: You find a note.
Jared: I read it.
Eli: Those kids are gonna be mad when they find out you can read.
Travis: You lied to orphans? You’re going to burn in Hell!
Toad: We’re all going but the dwarf.
Farone: A party without a dwarf is a party that will succeed!
(The party is attacked by wolves)
Toad: I’m going to get me a mount!
Jared: You’re going to get mounted.
Eli: That’s a very special critical hit.
Toad: I rolled an 01 to hit and did 1 point of damage.
Farone: You hit it and gave it clarity!
Damien: It knows what it wants to do with it’s life now.
Farone: I’m going to eat that halfling! Then I’m going to become a baker.
Dave: I don’t know how you humans destroy artifacts of evil.
Farone: Me neither. If this is an artifact of evil it’s my first.
(Toad is looking at the magic ritual book that no one can read)
Brandon: You can read the title.
Toad: I can? What is it?
Brandon: The Fiery Vengeance of the Ravaged Heart.
Travis & Farone: It’s a romance novel!
Farone: It is evil. Burn it!
Toad: I believe the two words most often used to describe your character are “universally” and “reviled.”
Eli: Does he still smell all good…like a woman?
Eli: Did you kill something?
Toad: No, but I hit it’s tentacle for five measly points of damage.
Eli: You hit it’s tentacle? Nice. I hit a tentacle once…
Toad: Is there more to that story?
Dave: Not any more that you want to hear.
Dave: You’re not a very good swordsman.
Eli: Especially considering all the boasting you’re doing.
Farone: You wanna borrow my flail?
Toad: Don’t give him a flail! That’s a complicated weapon. He can’t wield a sword!
Farone: You wanna borrow this stick with a nail in it?
Dave: I got a strength bonus of 3…12.
Farone: You’ve got a strength bonus of 312?
Jared: That’s right! Don’t mess with the elves!
Toad: Oh, it’s an elven 312, so like…2.
Travis: I clean the blood off my sword.
Eli: There’s no blood on your sword. You didn’t hit anybody.
Farone: First he sticks his sword in some corpses, then he cleans the blood off of it.
Dave: I have excellent vision.
Toad: I have night vision.
Farone: I have blurred vision.